Music is food to the soul

Recently, I’ve been listening to a lot of songs that somehow fits the description of my life. I know….i’m not the only one but I feel as if someone out there is listening to me and are helping to recognize some emotions that I’ve been ignoring hahaa trust me to be so melodramatic about normal non-drama stuff. So, which songs are singing to me right now? Let’s start with talented Miss Rihanna with her song “California King Bed”. When I first heard the title of the song, it didn’t even dawned to me that the song was literally describing what I’m going through *but then again I don’t have a king size bed or live in California* but I do find the lyrics are truly meaningful:

Chest to chest, nose to nose, palm to palm…We were always just that close
Wrist to wrist, toe to toe, lips that felt just like the inside of a rose
So, how come when I reach out my finger, it feels like more than distance between us
In this California king bed, we're ten thousand miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars for your heart for me, my California king

Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch that made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me? But I don't wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been California dreaming

So, that’s one song…another one that seemed to be singing out my heart and life is “Jar of Hearts” by Christina Perri. Well, not exactly the whole song but some parts of it:

I know I can't take one more step towards you, cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore? You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live, half a life and you want me one more time… Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright…
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed, cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back you don't get to get me back

Last week I had coffee with an old college friend of ours and somehow the conversation steered into the path of my life (surprise!!!hahaaa) when she asked me about my recent anniversary celebration. Well, like I wrote in my last blog, I was actually ok with the fact that there was no celebration for this year...until my friend reminded me that it was not ok..hurmmm *long awkward silence of thoughts*  anyway, listening to these songs and some others has helped to calm me down instead of rebelling against what has been decided by my logical sense and thoughts. so, back to the songs that I personally feel being dedicated to me….i know that i’m not alone out there and these emotional roller-coaster rides are not an imaginary thing coz someone else must be going  through similar stuff that I go through. Makes sense right? So to all those talented strangers out there, I pray that your creative hearts will keep on listening to me (and others) music is truly food to the soul and food keeps us alive? Hahahaa it doesn’t sound right but you guys know what I mean right?

Take a bow

Take a bow, the night is over, this masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down There's no one here
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star

I've always been in love with you, I guess you've always known it's true
You took my love for granted, why oh why? The show is over, say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part where you're breaking my heart
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star

All the world is a stage and everyone has their part

But how was I to know which way the story'd go?

How was I to know you'd break my heart.

This has always been one of my favorite songs by Madonna and little did I suspect that one day this song would be a reflection of my life…yup, it does. To most people, my life seemed closest to a perfect world but what they see most of the time is a stage of a “perfect world” by actors that knows their line well…too well sometimes it’s scary because there comes a point that you forget the reality of life. When the lights are off and the curtains are down, do you really mean what you say and feel when there’s no one around? I guess for me the answers have always been there but it’s easier to just enjoy the moments in the limelight on the stage until I have the courage to really admit the realities of my actual life…u took my love for granted, the show is over so say goodbye love L

Sky is the limit?

The sky is the limit? One of the overrated statements of the century? Wish it wasn’t so but sadly in some parts of my life, the statement seemed very overrated. Honestly people…who would want to literally reach up to the sky, heck even the astronauts are being paid and maybe forced to reach up to the sky hahaaa why am I ranting out about this issue rite? well, safely to say that used to be one of things that I always tell myself but recently I find that my self-motivating talk and principles are totally ridiculous *sigh* now I sound like a loser eh? not exactly an inaccurate description of myself actually, considering the craps I’ve put myself into the last few weeks. Now, where should I start? Such a rhetoric question but it’s obviously my (love?) life.. yesterday marked the 13^th year of my anniversary and I find myself not getting excited at all to do anything about it, thanks to my lack of emotions since the last few months and dear hubby have also played a large contributing role in the whole scene since he also did the same hahaa not that I was surprised by that fact. Well, to be fair he did asked me out for dinner which, I suspected was a counter-reaction and maybe afterthought to my anniversary wish to him. Why this suspicion of counter-reaction and/or afterthought u might think? How do I explain this?...urmmm it wasn’t planned at all and of course cancelled in the end when he thought that I was ok about him not planning anything for our celebration…so the question is…was I really ok with that? Surprisingly YES, sad eh? well, that’s the thing about hopes and aspiration..when you think that the sky is the limit you actually have to face several consequences  which includes having all the motivation to reach the sky limit or falling down below when you’ve utilized all the willpower to reach it. I guess in my case, the options are quite clear…in certain circumstances such as my “love life” do not aim for the sky;  the  top of a tree branch will do hahaa at least it won’t hurt when you fall or if you’re lucky you might have other branches to hold on to while falling down. So, mr almighty sky…you are not a limit to me, I just refuse to go up high and touch u. sad but true yeah? Watch this space people ;)