Beauty is vain and pain...ouchhh!

“You are beautiful”…i mostly cringe at these simple words and find it hard to respond in an appreciative manner and sometimes I find myself at the verge of being rude by simply ignoring those simple words. Yes, I can be vain at times…ok, I am vain hahahaa I’ll admit to that but looking nice or beautiful is my mostly for my own pleasure and when other people notice, appreciate and compliment I can get a bit dumbfounded and are usually unable to respond in an equally thoughtful manner. You might be wondering why and some people might even think that I respond to the way I responded to fish for more compliments but believe me…that is not the case. Well you see…growing up with other beautiful exotic looking siblings can make your growing up experience all weird especially if you are different from them. I’ve always looked more “Oriental” as compared to my other sisters and growing up different from them makes me think that I have all the wrong features like maybe I can have bigger eyes, a tanned skin color, fuller lips and a less-rounded figure but I have learnt to embrace my “unique” features and make them work for me J again, comparing myself to my gorgeous siblings, I’m always the “cute” one…ok, cute is also a compliment and I’m quite content with that until someone conveniently rains on my parade by telling me that cute literally means “ugly but adorable” Another big influence of my appearance is my other half *but of course….* he’s quite consistent when complimenting my physical appearance which is I’m not pretty but very very very cute which can also be translated as ugly but very very very adorable hahahaha and I’m quite okay with that. Anyway, all this cuteness had stuck itself to me and when someone else compliments me by saying “you are beautiful” it’s kinda hard to take it in. Although I usually feel a tinge of doubt in the compliments, I am honestly overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of the compliment especially if it wasn’t necessary or expected…and that is one thing that has helped me to smile as a respond to them. So to those people who had appreciated my efforts in being vain and looking nice…thank you, it wasn’t expected or necessary but you noticed. People always say that beauty is only skin deep and at the risk of sounding shallow, I sincerely say that your compliments have touched me deeply...ouchhhh *with a smile*

Sing your heart out baby ;)

I love music, as simple as that J from a very young age, I’ve always remembered music as part of my life regardless of the genre…one of my earlier memories of music is a t-shirt of Van Halen that I had when I was about 9 or 10 hahaha looking back it was kinda cheesy and cute at the same time. Few days ago I was driving home and heard one of d songs by Eternal, Stay and it instantly brought back memories of 15 years ago and those memories came with a smile J and some not-so-smiley memories but it’s ok…I’ve long made peace with my past. Every music in my life tells a different story and as much peace that I have with my past, they are constant reminders of who I am today and every single time I listen to all the songs, one question constantly pops out….would I have done it differently? Yeah there are moments in my life that I thought I would’ve done things differently but at the end of the day I know that I’d have probably taken the same exact path. Yeah…the music that  I listen to had taught me a lot about myself, for instance the song Black by Pearl Jam is one of the most beautiful song in my life….it’s a simple song that reminds me that you can grief and be sad when u don’t get what the one you love but move on and love on J and it helps that Eddie Vedder is gorgeous to the ears and eyes hahahaa.. Another beautiful thing I realize about music is that sometimes I don’t need the lyrics of the song to sing out the stories of my life…sometimes the music itself speaks and if I listen closely I can actually understand the meaning behind the music…ok, I’m getting a bit melodramatic here rite? Hahaa maybe but my point is that music has always been a part of my life and will continue to play its beautiful though the thick and thins, happy and sad, inspiring and other emotional rides of my life…yeah life’s tough but there’s always the right music for every single life occasion…so let’s rock n roll peeps!

2012...the ending or a new beginning

I would really like to start this blog with a “Happy New Year” but then again, it’s already the 3^rd week of 2012 and new year wishes are a bit to old yes?haha anyway, I have been meaning to update this blog, I really do coz God know how much episodes of drama that I went through to get till the end of the year, To start of is of course about my 2^nd half a.k.a housemate a.k.a bedmate a.k.a life partner of 13 years but then again, I really have no updates about “us”, it’s same old same old…but what I’d like to share is that I have discovered a new part of me, a surprising discovery on love and that is I have lost faith in the concept of love, romantic love between a man and a woman. Call me skeptic or cynic but after all that I have been through, I have simply lost believe in it and accepted the fact that maybe it’s not for me. Well, actually some of friends sort of share my sentiments on this matter…when we hear someone’s getting married, some of us actually responded out loud “WHY????” hahahaa some even made bets on how long some of these marriages will actually last *errkkk* What does love means to a couple? Does it mean complete trust and allowing your love all the freedom in the world? That sound like ignorant to me or simply too lazy to bother or some people will call it “taking things for granted” so when you take things for granted does it still mean “love” to u.. Another side of love is of course when your lover is always concerned about where you are and what you’re up to….but the question to ask is why? For some lovers it’s just being possessive and not wanting other people share their lover’s time and life..yeah,in a way that’s good because your lover is appreciating you and not taking you for granted but what about the saying “if u love someone set them free blah blah blah..” hahaaa so there you have it, I have presented two sides of a love that has led me to no longer believe in the concept of romantic love between a man and a woman…so, what do I do next? Hahahaa I really don’t know but one thing for sure I’m not so hard up on the lack of love in my life…yeah, of course I’m sad for losing the belief of love in my life but there’s always some ways for me to fill up the hollow of emptiness in my heart for example…making more friends, especially with the younger ones hahahaa since I don’t believe the concept of romantic love anymore, there’s less risk of getting hurt right? *theoretically correct* bottom line is, the less you believe in the whole concept the less it will hurt u right…like they always say, expectation kills and therefore expecting too much love is definitely a death sentence….so if you need to love, let it be yourself more before loving others J so turns out I’m not that cynical about love as much as I made it out to be huh? Hahahahaaa typical me but like I said earlier, 2012 is either an ending or a new beginning  and it’s always your choice…ok, I’m just gonna say it anyway…”Happy New Year!!!!”