Keep calm... it's only April Fool's Day.

Hey someone please shout "April fool" already... getting pranked from 31 March ain't funny business hahahaa but yeah, that's how it felt today. Where do i start? Hmmm... perhaps a couple of days ago when I decided to take the big step regarding the main topic of my blog... my love life, or the lack of it hahaa
Anyways, 31 March 2017 marked the day where I decided to go around the corner I was pushed into. Managing the corners ain't as easy as it sounds but alhamdulillah I managed to do so with the help of the loving support around me which was actually quite overwhelming, But I'll save that for another post.
So where is post heading? I really don't know... even though when I started writing it I was quite sure of what I wanted to write about. I had this gush of emotions that needed pouring out but hey, maybe it's the April Fool's day effect that even your brain decided to trick you into believing you have things to pour out in your blog.
So here's my closing... sometimes you don't even know that you're being fooled... sometimes life fools you into believing that you're happy or otherwise... sometimes being fooled makes you wiser and stronger... or maybe sometimes being fooled is just one of universe's weird and wicked sense of humor... either way, it's not how you're being fooled but more of how you handle what comes next that matters.
So here's a toast to April Fool's day and to all the foolish things in my life... you might have fooled and pranked me today *and the many years before that* but I've chosen to learn, grow and sometimes just laugh along. The universe will always find a way to play some sick twisted jokes on you but as the saying goes.... Fool me once, shame on me but fool me twice then the shame is on you. Guess the joke's on you today, Happy April Fool's Day oh dear universe!

The old story of love and hate.

Love. As always, it's the main topic of discussion and I ain't gonna disappoint this time hahahaa but I'll try to make it interesting. The expression "if you love someone set them free blah blah blah..." yup that old and cliché saying about love which i lately find it hard to argue with. I wish others would strictly follow this rule and maybe the love planet will be a less miserable place. 

The saying actually also reflects about being unselfish, you love that person but if she or he doesn't love you anymore then just let the love go. Stop being sefish, being in love requires both parties to actually have love for each other. If not then it'll be just like a creepy stalker situation which might lead to a hostage situation & someone might just end up dead or create the Stockholm syndrome thingy... well of course this is just figuratively speaking but it has the same effect. Seriously, why would you wanna keep someone who can't love you back? That's selfish in one of its purest form. 

I've always believed that hate and love are actually two similar energies. If you can love a person, the same energy can be turned into hate and the situation of not letting a person out of love leave a relationship will drive the energy of love to hate. Don't believe me? Look around you and see how many couples you know that were so in love but aren't able to breathe the same air when the love is gone?

Having said that, I also believe that if handled efficiently that love you have doesn't necessarily be turned into hate... if you don't nurture the love and let it die then you can't turn it into hate. Hahahaha it's not as bad as it sounds but I think if managed correctly you'll be able to maintain the optimum or necessary level of love, say love between friends which will ensure the relationship stays civilized and this in return will make it easier for close people around you as well. Sometimes when we're selfish we often forget that what we do to each other in the name of "love" affects people who are close to us... be it in a good or bad or nauseating way hahahah

So yeah... that's my 2 cents on love in this post. Don't be selfish when it comes to love, be considerate and maybe you have a better chance of avoiding hating one another.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger... and better be running scared.

Being pushed to a corner isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world. At 42, I know what I want in life and most importantly what I don't want... I don't need to be forced to do things that I clearly know that I don't want... you think you're pulling me closer but all you're doing is push me even further. If that's the risk you're willing to take then go ahead but let me just tell you that I'm an even meaner person when I'm annoyed.

I am what I am today because of you and you can't expect me to be the same person before you broke me. I'm not proud of who I am today but I embrace all the changes that has become of me. I might not be an angel but I know I'm stronger than before, stronger to stand alone.. stronger to decide what I want in life and what I don't really need anymore. You might have killed one part of me but it has built another person who will not run away from her problems. So if you wanna kill me again be prepared to be killed. Just saying... you might wanna run instead.

Best advises are never for yourself

The best advises in life are always not meant for yourself. If I'd taken all the advises I've given freely to the people I've met, I'd probably be the happiest person alive.
Following a series of unexpected events of the last month, I had to seek advice from a an old friend, someone who knew me from when I was only 13. That one person who know that I knew the best advises for myself and says them out loud to my face. Saying the things that I fear most, the things I've been avoiding to unlock from the back of my thoughts.. the scary thoughts that I knew needs to be settled... the thoughts that reaffirm how screwed up my life actually is and I've been successfully ignored it for the last few years.
So what happens now? Well.. I will now advise myself to find the courage to straighten things out. The one advice for myself that I need to follow... if not now, very soon.